Post your revised conclusion here.
Be sure to comment on a peer’s–what is effective about what they’ve done?
Mama Kelley: no salacious “while you were sleeping” here!
Florence Kelley RER: Nutshell Conclusions
Ms. Kitchens' Corner
A Meeting of the Minds, Worlds and Words!
Ms. Kitchens' Corner 
Shelbey Carlson period 3
Kelley’s challenge to the public called for rhetorical stratagies to be intertwined throughout her writing. She knew that, in order to be successful, she had to capture the hearts of the listeners. This speech, along with others, led to a successful campaign on child labor. How differently would her campaign have been without this speech? It may have been successful, but with the power of this speech, and the emotions within Kelley’s writing, the call to action packed a greater punch.
Shelbs!
Your strong diction choices such as “intertwined” and “campaign” are working very well for your conclusion. You summarize the essay briefly. And bring up a rhetorical question on how her speech could be different. This creates a closing feel to the essay which is intended in a conclusion. Awesome job!
Shelbey, the generalization of the rhetorical strategies adds a feeling that the essay is coming to an end and you are wrapping up your ideas. The rhetorical question sets up a point for you to offer an different outcome, and then you answer the question, and comment on how the outcome would have been negative by emphesizing the success in the way Kelley’s speech was delivered. Que Bueno!
Freddy Lienhard, Period 3
Mariah Johnston
Period 3
Florence Kelley’s speech created an impact on her audience. The powerful, emotional impact her words left changed the future of America’s young children. Kelley’s call to action was successful, for child labor in America is no longer existent.
Mariah, your conclusion is to the point, and concise, making it have a finished feel. You relate back to Kelley’s purpose and what her impact accomplished,which brings the reader full circle. Also you highlight what this speech had on the future. Yay good conclusion!
Florence Kelley delivered this speech to thousands of people in hopes that her message against child labor would be received by parents across the nation. And that these parents will take steps against child labor laws to ensure a better future for all children. Through her use of anaphora and rhetorical questions, Kelley challenges the moral and ethical values of her audience; trying to make them question their principles. Kelly achieves her motive, and because of her, children are now being children, and not toiling away in a factory. Kelley changed the nation for the better, and the U.S. would not be the same without her.
Rhetorical strategies have the potential to empower any speech with purpose and to move masses at the will of the speaker. By utilizing strategies which connect to the crowd both mentally and emotionally, Kelly rallied them in every way possible. Speakers who can not only convince groups to move physically, but also to participate in their cause because of an emotional connection that is established, are the most profound speakers. Kelley bettered the country and conquered her cause by doing just that.
Freddy,
I love your diction choices of “empower” and “rallied.” You go out to a larger scope while talking about “speakers” instead of Kelley, then go back to Kelley. Your final sentence is a great ending to your conclusion, stating how Kelley bettered the country by emotionally investing in her speech (which you probably talked about in your essay). Great stuff!
I feel like this is a very strong conclusion. It shows that Kelley had an effective speech, but also shows why it was effective. I really like how you set it up and the last sentence really gives it a strong finish. I agree with Shelbey in that your diction choice is awesome and I’d say overall it’s a very strong conclusion.
Shannon Jack
Period 6
In order to create the image of the stereotypical little girl, with her dollies and pigtails, Kelley first had to deliver and persuade her audience with her speech. Her use of pathos and anaphora help captivate the audience and bring attention to the fact that children should not be dirtying their hands in factories, but instead, making mudpies.
Nice use of details that create an image. Also you incorporate parallel structure well in your last sentence. You also reviewed your subclaims without overly restating them.
Bridgette!
Your conclusion is strong in the way that you don’t summarize but instead you tell how Kelley has impacted the future and modern day America. This brings in that sense of concluding your essay without summarizing. Nice work!
Florence Kelley’s speech intrigued the audience. She rallied them to fight for a cause through her constant uses of pathos, concrete details and rhetorical questions, this helped her to connect to the crowd both mentally and emotionally. Kelley changed the nation for the better and gave children back the childhood that had so greedily been taken away from them.
Shannon! I love how in your conclusion you created the image of the stereotypical little girl with pigtails and making mud pies. This helps your conclusion sound strong. And you jumped right to the point of Kelley’s purpose, without summarizing and giving the feeling that your essay is coming to a conclusion.Nice job!
Rachel Olson
Period 6
At the very end of the speech, Kelley provides her audience with the big picture: to get the vote. She effectively uses rhetorical strategies to bring child labor to light, which helps her overall cause as well. Like countless other women, she wants to be able to have a say in how the country is being run, especially when it comes to the safety of America’s children.
You used the colon really well here! the “to get the vote” seems really dramatic compared to what it could of been if there was not a colon and this works good for your conclusion. You brought up the subjects in the essay without actually summarizing and you ended with something that was a big part of the speech that other people may not have put together. This is a short and concise conclusion that works really good.
You guys sound SO academic discussing the use of a well-placed colon. I LOVE it!! 🙂
Jenelle,
I like how you showed the connection between the speech and the audience, even how the speech made the audience feel. I really liked the last sentence, where you mention childhood being “greedily” taken away. Your diction choices are really good too! Good job!
In the end, Kelley unveils an abominable picture–the inhumane child labor system. She rallies the mothers of the children by her use of pathos and her subtle facts. Kelley wraps her oratory up in a nutshell: parents should be sweating over work, children should be sweating over play.
The parralel structure at the end is great. It really wraps up the paragraph as well as the entire essay in a creative way that works well and adds style. You bring the topics I imagine you discussed in your essay back into the conversation, bringing the essay to a close but not sounding like your summerizing.
You’re*
dang tablet keyboard
Rachel,
your use of the colon is working really well here! I like how you sum everything up in only a few sentences. And the diction choices are always a plus(:
Kelley uses rhetorical strategies which all point back at her use of pathos appeals. Each is effective in the intention of riling women up to support her and fight against the wrongful nature of excessive child labor. She spoke on the grounds of the National American Woman Sufferage Association with an inspirational intent. She wanted women to push for the deliberate transgression of their own morals to be stopped with more of a fight provided than just rolling over in their sleep at a minor disturbance. Because of efforts like Kelley’s children have the right to go to school and no longer have to slave away for hours in reeking, stagnant sweatshops, crafting buttons and hats for their elders.
Bridgette, the first two sentences of your paragraph start out resembling a summary. However, the rest of your conclusion is great. I like your final statements about the sweatshops: it leaves the reader with imagery that lingers on the mind.
BP–great diction choices here: “inspirational intent,” “deliberate transgression.” Take a close look at this sentence and count the number of prep phrases: “Each is effective in the intention of riling women up to support her and fight against the wrongful nature of excessive child labor.” How many prep phrases in the whole conclusion? Think you could eliminate 1/2 of them? I bet you could! 🙂
Kelley brings these strategies together in a speech that defines the majority of woman’s suffrage. She pushed for the right to vote in order to end the evils of child labor, using a combination of loaded words and parallel structure to craft one of the best speeches in all of the suffrage movement.
Levi, I really like your word choice. “Evils,” man I wish I had thought of that instead of sounding pompous with “deliberate transgressions.” And “craft” is an excellent alternative to “make”. Great job! 🙂
Words are funny, aren’t they? I love how most of the time, there is that one perfect word. 🙂 I rarely think of it myself either! 😦
Child labour ended. Laws were made and limitations introduced and enforced. Kelley was successful in persuading the public–especially mothers– that their children could be safe from the evils of adulthood. How often can people say they succeeded on such a scale? Many find themselves never amounting to much, but Kelley won. She crossed the finish line.
Annalise Dillon p.6
I love dem short sentences. And not only those sentences, but the variety of sentences offered. I feel like I am a fat kid at the English buffet and I have to try every syntactical structure available. However, what i feel is really tickling my english senses is your final two sentences. They make it feel like Florence Kelley was a step above everyone else, and because of her clever speech, she won in the game of life.
Well, not the board game.
Ah, you know what I mean.
Bravo, D-bunk, bravo!
I need this on a shirt: “I feel like I am a fat kid at the English buffet and I have to try every syntactical structure available.”
Annalise, I agree with Kyle. Your opening and closing telegraphic sentences are beautifully executed. The book-ending is really effective. And the rhetorical question right in the middle really balances out your paragraph with multiple excellent uses of several rhetorical strategies. Not only did Kelley win, you did, too!
Yes, yes and YES!! Excellent use of syntactical variety.
levi, I like your verb choice here, but when you mention the loaded words and parallel structure I feel like that is summarizing what your reader just finished reading. Try to avoid?
How did this speech influence the future? Florence Kelley kick-started the laws of child labor. She projects the harsh conditions of their working environment and got the votes to keep children out of the mills. She created a voice for the children when they couldn’t speak for themselves.
I like the way you start out your conclusion with a rhetorical strategy. Very nice.
OH! Those verbs! “Kick-started.” “Projects.” LOVELY!!
Florence Kelley’s purpose of rallying the troops, to impress upon the audience the necessity of utilizing their “right of petition,” was successful in the long run. Aided with her tools of precise, stirring diction choice and memorable, pleading anecdotes, Kelley’s tone is highly effective in that it brings about change. For evidence of this, one needs to look no further than the factories and workplaces of today: they are safe and, thanks to Kelley, child-free.
Kelly’s speech created an intense drive in the women of the National American Woman Suffrage Association to take action against child labor in the United States, as evidenced by the fact that child labor no longer exists. The speech inspired the women, and those women then changed the world.
Isaac, I like your comparison of the women as troops, and also your parallel structure of “precise, stirring diction… and memorable, pleading anecdotes”.
Kelly leaves the audience with a positive outlook on the future of countries children. Her influential and motivational speech changed the future and outcome of many laws. With the use of rhetorical strategies and strong language, Kelly attains the audience’s preference.
Conclusion in dat nutshell:
In her speech of reforming the laws governing child labor, florence Kelley uses a wide range of sophisticated strategies to accomplish her purpose. Kelley fought hard for child workers. And in the end, she was successful: coupled with heaps of hard work, Kelley’s speech won a majority of citizens to sympathize with the children.
Kyle, good use of the colon, I should have used it haha! Your conclusion is good though, not too long but long enough. I like the word choice too, such as “heaps,” “sophisticated,” and “coupled”. Also, I like the middle sentence! Sounds good with two longer sentences on either side! But I think you should take “hard” out so that it’s a classic “five words or less” telegraphic sentence!
I agree with what Captain Morgan has highlighted in your speech. I think Kyle, knowing your skills as I do, that you could use a little more in this conclusion because its already well organized, filled with impressive diction, and most important of all your conclusion does its primary function of concluding. So well done but i think you shouldn’t have it in a nutshell. Nutshells imply your leaving out some of your commentary. If you leave out commentary, then your conclusion will only serve its core function and not be a rose(not saying that its not). If it is not a rose, then it has weeds. If it has weeds, then it shows flaws. If it was flaws then your essay loses precious points and the reader isn’t as drawn to your essay. Don’t lose points and your readers interest, un-nutshell your conclusion.
Jacob Anderson: I put you in charge of the next Weeds and Roses. In fact, score the essays too, please!!! 🙂
At the end of the speech, Kelley finishes her call to action. Kelley’s use of rhetorical strategies, parallelism, and appeals plants curiosity and wonder, resulting in the National American Woman Suffrage Association members to spread awareness of the child labor atrocities. Since kids are free from the shackles of under-aged labor, Kelley was successful in raising awareness.
Your chronological orginization is effective and I am going to try and do something similar to this in a future timed write
“…and I am going to try and do something similar to this in a future timed write.” That’s what I love to read!!
Kelley uses many pathos appeals throughout her speech,, not all in association with her rhetorical questions. She jump starts her final paragraph with “for the sake of the children,” which will grab control of anybody’s heart, so long as they have a soul. By saying this, she is making a play at the listener’s emotions. Much like the animal-rescue commercials, the listener feels obliged to do something, as not taking action will ensure a guilty conscience inside the listener. Kelley ends with this in order to fulfill her purpose of presenting the problem and then putting forth a call-to-action to the listener. Pathos appeals, along with rhetorical questions (and her long expository questions), couple to help Kelley fully deliver her message.
Love the verb couple in there, Timmy. I think it needs a linking verb to do the trick: “are/were coupled.”
Most of Kelley’s speech is a call to action, however, it is not until the end of her speech that she actually verbalizes her plea for help in destroying child labor. One can see that this proved effective in her speech for child labor is now a thing of the past.
That is a good use of seeing into the future.
COMMA RULE, Mr. Brandt!!!
Kelley’s speech exposes child labor in hopes to stop it and is a call to action to all of her listeners. She uses many rhetorical strategies to better her speech and strengthen it. Though Kelley’s speech is focused on the terrors of child labor she is also seeking a vote so that she can try and change the future herself.
Commas!! Great conclusion otherwise, Raynee!
Kelley’s speech sheds some light on the darkness that surrounds child labor as it has gone on in the shadows for to long. Kelley has said that for too long thes children have suffered. For too long hve they worked through the night. With the conclusion of her speech she has the now people overflowing with her ethos and gives them a solution: a call to action. Child Labor was put in the spot light and slowly that darkness was eaten away by the people inspired by Shelley.
First things first: is this a CAT in the picture? In my little window, it looks like a squirrel. Love the continued reference to light, use of anaphora and the colon. “Eaten away by the people…” makes me think that they are literally chompin’ down ; is there another verb that wouldn’t connotate this? Great job!
Kelley’s speech exposes the injustice of child labor. While using many strategies to try to get people to side with her view on freeing the children of this unfairness, she emphasizes her call to action in the ending of her speech. Freeing the children from the caged lives they we forced to live was succeeded by Kelley.
Oh, excellent first sentence! Reword that last guy to take him out of passive voice. Otherwise, awesome work, Aidan!
After fifteen years from Florence Kelley gave her speech, women finally got the right to vote. With women able to vote, many companies were either willing or forced to give up their use of child labor.
(for Raynee’s conclusion…)
I like the opening sentence that pretty much sums up the whole speech in itself.
Then I like up you kind of give an example of how she achieves what she wants!
Conclusion:
All Florence Kelley wanted was for children to be able to have a childhood again–to be able to live out their early years without any cares or adult responsibilities. And even though the times were extremely hard, Kelley thought that every child deserved that. She successfully used several forms of parallel structure and some excellent diction to make her point–and that makes her a great speaker. But what she was fighting for, what she believed in, that made her a great woman.